Mara's Musings

This is just a reminder from a campervan enthusiast who is now an ex-VW campervan owner.

The Main Suspect

Genevieve is no more. Or is likely to be no-more according to the Insurance Company who are currently assessing the damage that was caused by a fault on the battery which as most enthusiasts know (in the T25 at least) is housed underneath the drivers seat.  The picture on the right is what is left of my battery, after something caused a short and it set light to the back of my drivers seat.  Since I was driving at the time, this was not a particularly pleasant experience!

Remains of the Driver's seat.

In the time it took from smelling and seeing smoke, pulling over and getting out through the back so I could grab the dog - which was under a minute - the whole of the back of the seat was ablaze.  No fire retardant foam in these old vans.  The Fire Brigade arrived in about 10 minutes and the whole van was billowing black smoke.  The image on the left shows what is left of the back of my seat, which was actually very little!

A full set of the images of what is left of the front of the van following this fire can be seen by clicking here.

Genevieve in better days

The view from the insurance company based on my description of the damage and everyone who has seen it including the guy who came to tow her to the assessors is that she is a complete write-off.  I am now waiting to hear back from the insurance.  Despite being quite upset and pissed off by the whole thing, and having had a pretty awful experience, I cannot help but think that considering the speed with which this fire took hold I am lucky to be alive. Or at the very least to have escaped a lengthy and painful stay in the burns unit.

It is the end of a dream for me that I had of owning a VW camper every since seeing the red VW microbus in Arlo Guthrie's film "Alice's Restaurant".  I don't know if I will ever own another, they are expensive to  buy and even more expensive to run, but at least I did live my dream for a while!

So for all you van owners - check the electrics and make sure the battery housing is sealed tight.  It seems likely according to the brigade that something had got into the housing to make the battery short, emit a spark and the rest, as they say, is history.  And so is my van.

Well, following 10 days off in a muddy field know as Glastonbury Festival, I have taken a good hard look at the areas in which I need to improve my repetoire of skills.

Over the next 12 months I plan to offer a new and extensive range of services. These will (hopefully) include extending the number of content management systems (like Wordpress) that are available for my clients, building more extensive knowledge of e-commerce sites and also mobile site development and database production and management.

As well as this I intend to undertake a course which will enable me to design, manage and install networks which should take around 8 months to complete.

I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but I need to move forward with my business to ensure I am not left behind in what is a competitive industry.

Please keep your eye on my blog over the coming months, and look for updates to my website, to follow my progress.

I have a few people in my life who will look at me and ask because they see by my demeanour that I am obviously not.   These people are the true friends, the ones who don't pressurise you into talking about it if you don't want to, or get you to expose more of yourself than you are willing and will listen without judgement and also without looking bored or dragging the conversation back to themselves.  These people are rare gems indeed.

Mostly, and we all do it, we ask people  "are you OK?" and they say "Yes" or "I'm fine" and we are happy.  Off we go in our own little world where we have proved to ourselves and the other person just how caring we are because we took time out to enquire as to the wellbeing of our fellow human.

If you say NO this causes immediate confusion.  You broke the social rule.  You are not supposed to be honest because that's not playing the little game.  Now you have put that person in a awkward position where they basically have to demonstrate to you that they give enough of a toss to listen to what you have to say.  Or even worse, if you tell them you are not OK but don't want to discuss it with them.  What to do?  Prise it out of you or just be more honest, breathe a sigh of relief and skip off. 

Maybe I am just feeling cynical today, or maybe its time I learnt from the repeated experience of the fact that no matter how much time you have for other people, they will rarely return the favour!

Search Engine Optimization is an essential aspect of web design without which your site can become lost in searches. The old phrase “needle in a haystack” is one that can easily be applied to individual sites in the huge “haystack” of sites online.

SEO can target the search engines so that your website has a web presence. That is people can find it by typing in key words related to your service or product.

It can be a long and complex process but essentially it looks at which search terms as used by potential customers and making sure that when these are used your website is high enough up the listing to catch their attention.

Please check my website for more information.

I became single after being either married or in a long term relationship for 21 years.  So at some point I decided to dip my toe back in the water and experience the joys on online dating.  To be fair to myself I was under no illusions as to the likelihood of my finding "the one" online but, hey, a few dates can never go amiss right?

Wrong.  There are indeed many great men in the world.  Not many of them seem in inhabit the dating sites.  I have met 3 possibly 4 couples who met on line, met in real life, connected and stayed together for longer than a couple of years.  Some are still together now so it is possible - just don't get your hopes up too much!!


Here, in a nutshell are my top 3 worst dates: (Names have been changed to protect the hideous):

#3  Andy - Andy liked his  dog...no he LOVED his dog, he LOVED all dogs soooo much!  Lovely but when dogs were concerned no sense of humour.  He was in essence looking for someone to look after both himself and said dog whilst he was in hospital having a back op.  I guess a nurse seemed the perfect girlfriend.  He did not, of course, put this in his bio on the site. 

The date started pleasantly enough although no chemistry on either side, but that's the way it goes.  It ended when he told me about the lady in his road who drove with 6 Jack Russells bouncing about loose in the back.  An amusing image.  I grinned.  He launched - it apparently was not funny because she could brake suddenly  and one could fly through the window.  My brain = cartoon image of dog shape in windscreen.  Me = PMSL Andy = disgusted and very, very angry!

Goodbye Andy
Site to Avoid  = Dating Direct.

#2 Chris - Chris was a PCSO with a nurse fetish.  No he did not put that on his bio but he was chatting to several other women all of whom I worked with, one in the same department (which was great fun as we could compare notes!). 

Anyway, out of interest more than anything else, and yeah he looked OK in his pic with his uniform on, I agreed to meet.  We went to a local pub for drinks.  Mistake. He spent the first 20 minutes telling me how he hadn't had a woman for ages (I could see why) and I ended up pinned in a booth with some idiot trying to snog me and stroke my hair.  When I told him to get off he asked me if I hated sex!! Not a good start.  So the only way forward was wine. The date ended when I squeezed past him to get out of the booth and he slapped my bum, I went straight to the loo, texted a mate who rang me "as the babysitter" and I fled.  The guy was still plaguing me days later saying he had "felt so much chemistry". 

Goodbye Chris
Site to Avoid = Girls Date for Free (I know, the clue was in the name!)

And my #1 - Steven. God this was dire. 

I met him in a cafe where I got his life story.  A case in point of why not to share too much early on.  Married 4 times, ex-Para who got thrown out for kicking the crap out of an officer when he came back from the Gulf, ended up in the loony bin and was "possibly" schizophrenic but they hadn't decided yet.  Then he announced exactly what he would like to do with me sexually in detail so graphic it would have made Hugh Heffner blush.  He suggested a walk on the local common, I agreed because I didn't want to appear rude (God how times, and I, have changed!) and he started trying to snog me.


After 10 minutes he disappared to the toilet, only to come back and tell me that he had only gone because he was so excited he had "leaked a bit".  I fled.  He texted for weeks afterwards until I basically told him to F-off (my polite gene was obviously away that day).

Goodbye Steven.
Site to Avoid = yep, Girls Date for Free, a bit of a theme developing.

Before everyone goes off and deletes their online dating profile I did meet some pretty nice guys, they just weren't for me.  I probably I wasn't for them either!  However the numpties outweighed the nice guys by probably a 10:1 ratio. 

I have not included in this list 2 people who I did go on to have long-term dealings, though not necessarily relationships, with.  One was particularly grim and would make an amusing blog but it's too close to kiss-and-tell to be fair, the other is a man who started off as a friend with "benefits" and ended up being probably one of the best male friends I have had.  He is not included either!!

I finally met my partner the old-fashioned way, at a picnic via friends.  

Only 7 more sleeps and I will be wending my way onsite at Glastonbury Festival for my stint in the backstage passes office on the Theatre and Circus field.  The angst is already starting to permeate...I am talking 5 people on site this year with all their stuff plus rucksacks and tents belonging to 4 other people.  I think Genevieve is going to be a rather snug fit on the way on.

Lots of questions about stuff to bring which can only be answered by reproducing a list that was facebooked by an extremely efficient and experienced camping friend of mine:

Camping Kit
Tent – practice putting it up before leaving if you’ve not done it before
Roll mats
Torch (preferably wind-up, preferably small as you might need to carry it all evening before you actually need to use it to get back in your tent!)
Sleeping bag
Water bottle
Blanket
Hat & gloves for cold nights
Hot water bottle (!) (only if there is a source of hot water on site)
Some empty carrier bags / bin bags
Personal Kit
Waterproof jacket
At least 2 pairs of footwear – walking boots, wellies, sandals/crocks (I will defend my crocks: waking at 3am desperate for a piss still drunk in the dark is no time to be prattling about trying to put wellies on)
Medication (+ a written note of it’s name and dose in case it gets lost and you need replacements)
Shower gel
Scissors
Shampoo – Lush do lovely solid shampoo – no chance of leaking
Soap
Hand sanitizer
Sunscreen
Baby wipes
Day bag
Clothes – include layers

So there's a start anyway


In the meantime I have been nagging people to get tents and rucksacks to me by Saturday noon at the latest so I can play VW Tetris and get it all loaded.  The plan being to chill out Saturday night with Richard and the kids, cook a full English breakfast for everyone and then head off to be there by 2, help put up people's tents and head off to my first shift at 4pm.  That's the plan. 

The weather is appalling but on the plus side I do have a heater on board so I wont be suffering from the cold, Richard has invested in some thermal window pads which will keep us cool if its hot and snug if its cold.  I also have a chemical loo in case my dreaded IBS decides to kick in like it has most years.  And in the light of recent leak problems I also managed to purchase a waterproof tarp to sling over the skylight in the roof in case of emergency!

I am both looking forward to it and dreading it in equal measure.  It is the same every year but I always love it when I am there.  Bring it on!

I am not saying it doesn't exist, and I am not casting moral judgement on the subject of infidelity but it seems to me that as soon as a celebrity or public figure gets caught with his pants down they throw their hands up in the air, and say "Oh my God, I'm a sex addict!"  

Recent events following the spectacular failure of the "super injunction" taken out by Ryan Giggs to spare us all the details of this philandering tosser's sex life have now typically culminated in his seeking treatment for his so-called  "sex addiction".  A very neat way of sidestepping the responsibility for shagging your brother's wife and some random z-lister from big brother. 

In an article for BBC Health a Doctor in the field says that "it affects approximately 6 per cent of the population".  Call me cynical but is it actually that likely that of those 6% it seems that most, if not all of them, are celebrties who get caught out doing the dirty and then try to wriggle out of it the consequences of their inability to keep their dick in their pants?

The "symptoms" of sex addition Dr Mcnair lists in the BBC article sound remarkably like the normal expressions of guilt people feel when they are cheating, and especially when they get caught! So are they all sex addicts?  I think not.


For some reason many of the wives of these guys just seem to accept this as an explanation. The answer as to why can sensibly only be found in the man's bank balance.  The loss of celebrity lifestyle and status must be an extremely powerful motivator for these women.  But if their men were truly addicted to sex how come they only seem to have affairs with extremely beautiful women?  If it was a real "addiction" anyone would do, including the 56 year old Portuguese maid with the facial hair and body odour problem.  It seems the addiction is actually quite selective. 

How many of the ordinary man-on-the-street who  tried this particular excuse would get a hearing?  Probably not many.  In most cases he would either be shown the door so fast his nose would bleed, end up getting intimately aquainted with a pan several times, or both!!

Yesterday Genevieve decided to throw a potential spanner in the works and develop a nice big hole in the plastic covering of the roof/sky light 9 days before we are due on site at Glastobury Festival for a glorious 10 days in the Theatre and Circus field.  Rain was, literally, pouring in through it during yesterday's downpour.


I am now facing the daunting prospect of clambering up on the roof to fix it using the wonders of silicone gel.  This is not good for someone afraid of heights.  The alternative is, of course, freezing in the tent and the cold is something that I really suffer from and probably the only thing I find difficult about the whole experience of the wonder that is Pilton festival!

I am also moderately excited about the prospect of sleeping in the van this year -  the first time I have been given an on-site pass. I feel a bit concerned about the fact that my partner feels using the van will cut us off from the team because we cannot go onto the grassed camping area and have to park in the central reservation with the other vans and vehicles for health and safety reasons - namely, it's full of petrol and other explosive things like camping gas! 

From a personal point of view my paramount concern is comfort, less back issues when I get home and the fact that I have a nice cosy gas heater in the van but I don't really want that at the expense of my partner's experience being spoilt.  (Yeah, I'm sad but I love him cos he's great!)

I guess we will see how it goes, we are taking the tent and associated bits so if he hates it we can always pitch it as usual.  Not sure how safe the gas heater is going to be in there! ;)

Many clients now update the text on their own websites, so here are some tips on common mistakes and what you should avoid:

Elaborate fonts – these are the kiss of death! They are often not web friendly and all your hard work will be converted straight back to Times New Roman on the screen. This is probably a good thing since they are notoriously difficult to read. They may look pretty – until you are faced with reading a whole page of it,  and they will make people click away from the page rather than attract them to it.

Centralising large bodies of text – it does not look “creative” it looks messy and it is difficult for the eye to follow.

Inconsistency – make sure all your headings are the same and the font styles are the same. The point is not to show how amazing you are at formatting the page but to encourage people to read what you have written!   A different style of writing on every page is a no-no.   People are turned off by attempts to make the site more interesting by varying the style of writing, the font type and the position of the text on the page.

Making pages look the same is not “boring” – it gives continuity and makes the text easier to follow and read.

Poor Grammar/Spelling – we all make mistakes but the importance of using spelling and grammar checking  tools cannot be understated. Basic errors like failing to use capitalisation in headings or the random use of the apostrophe will grate on the nerves of most browsers. Friends are often useful in finding mistakes so get them to look at your site. Once you have uploaded text look at it again in 24 hours when you have a fresh eye just to make sure.

And remember I do offer proof reading services as well as being able to supply text for your website!

Or...what happens when the client doesn't pay?

Firstly all web designers have a payment policy in their terms and conditions, these may vary according to the type of site.

If you don't pay the designer what can they do?

Firstly, most designers will not  hand over any passwords to the site content management system until full and final payment is received. They also have access to the server on which the site is hosted. Often server passwords are changed away from the default password issued by the hosting company to allow ease of access for the designer - ie, not having to type in 16 random numbers and letters each time they get logged out! The designer retains access to these until such time as the work is complete or, if they are managing the site, until the client terminates the arrangement.

If you have not paid for any of the design work it remains the property of the designer and they can remove it from the site if their bill is not paid. This is the worse case scenario and usually only ever happens if the client has not responded to requests for payment over a long period of time.

If you have paid for the site but not additional content management carried out later the site cannot legally be removed but the designer can take you to the small claims court for the money! If the designer removes the site on this basis not only are they acting maliciously, they are on very dodgy legal ground since they are actively sabotaging another person's business and it is looked upon very seriously.

If you are having problems or feel it may become an issue always let the web designer know.  Large companies may not be interested in your problems and terminate the arrangement, however most smaller designers like myself are more than happy to negotiate payment by instalment especially when clients have a new or small business.

From the designers point of view it is good business to gain a great public image and we also put a lot of work into our sites and obviously it is in our interests as well as the client's to keep the site online and publicly visible.

This is one of 2 blogs regarding issues occuring between a client and a web designer and is a response to enquiries about what to do if you fall foul of someone who is maybe less than professional about how they run their web design business.

We can all get into difficulties in our business dealings with others. A professional web designer would obviously try to convince a client stay with them - its good business! But what happens when the client simply wants to move on and the web designer gets difficult?

So where does the client stand?

First of all, providing you have paid the account in full for the website, it is your property.

Always read the Designer's Terms and Conditions before undertaking a contract. For example my Code of Ethics prevents my designs from being used for illegal or immoral purposes. If the client later edits the website and it breaches this code, I will then take action to have my designs removed by legal means, from that site.
The designer has no right at all, providing you have paid the bills, to keep any of the work they have done on the site. They cannot keep your passwords to prevent you logging into the system, or prevent you from giving them to another web designer so they can manage the site on your behalf.    If you have hosted your website with the designer you have the right to have your website displayed there until your hosting expires at which point they should notify you at least 14 days before this happens so your site does not disappear.

They most certainly do not have the right to take the website off line or to tamper with the code, databases, design or content in any way shape or form so that the website does not function.

Both of these cases are legimate reasons to instigate legal action against the designer.

My advice is that if you have a problem with the designer of your site that you attempt to iron out the difficulties with them. If you decide to move on and they act maliciously it may be quicker and cheaper simply to get a new website designed. Searching through a lot of coding which may or have not been corrupted takes a lot of time and most designers charge for this by the hour.

This may sound like the worst case scenario but in actual fact clients are often very pleased with their new and revamped website and wonder why they had not done it before!

In Part 2 I will look at when the business relationship breaks down from the designers viewpoint and what steps they can legally take to seek recompense from a non-paying client.

I am selling some bits and pieces on ebay this weekend - please check them out here and grab a bargain!

I love being self employed but right now I could really do with some quality time off!  Because of the nature of what I do the work tends to go in phases of peaks and troughs.  However, since January this year it has been one long peak!

I am not complaining about the work actually because after all it's a good thing, it pays the bills and means I can go out and have fun.  However fun-time is rapidly decreasing all the time.  In all I have 3 areas of work plus an OU degree that I am seriously thinking was a complete error of judgement in terms of the time I thought I had available.

It would be very nice to just have one full week where I wasn't meeting the demands of other people, or suddenly finding little added extras that I am meant to be doing/attending being dropped in my lap.  Even my social life now has become a source of stress.  I want to see my friends and hang out and to be honest my personal relationships with others have always been more important to me than work and money, its just the way it is!

I have 10 days "off" coming up - I say "off" because I am going to be working at Glastonbury Festival.  I love it, but I know I am going to come back more tired than I left and have to hop straght back in to the daily grind.  The net result that right now I am on an extremely short fuse.  If one more person says "Can you just...?" I may well explode!!