Mara's Musings

I became single after being either married or in a long term relationship for 21 years.  So at some point I decided to dip my toe back in the water and experience the joys on online dating.  To be fair to myself I was under no illusions as to the likelihood of my finding "the one" online but, hey, a few dates can never go amiss right?

Wrong.  There are indeed many great men in the world.  Not many of them seem in inhabit the dating sites.  I have met 3 possibly 4 couples who met on line, met in real life, connected and stayed together for longer than a couple of years.  Some are still together now so it is possible - just don't get your hopes up too much!!


Here, in a nutshell are my top 3 worst dates: (Names have been changed to protect the hideous):

#3  Andy - Andy liked his  dog...no he LOVED his dog, he LOVED all dogs soooo much!  Lovely but when dogs were concerned no sense of humour.  He was in essence looking for someone to look after both himself and said dog whilst he was in hospital having a back op.  I guess a nurse seemed the perfect girlfriend.  He did not, of course, put this in his bio on the site. 

The date started pleasantly enough although no chemistry on either side, but that's the way it goes.  It ended when he told me about the lady in his road who drove with 6 Jack Russells bouncing about loose in the back.  An amusing image.  I grinned.  He launched - it apparently was not funny because she could brake suddenly  and one could fly through the window.  My brain = cartoon image of dog shape in windscreen.  Me = PMSL Andy = disgusted and very, very angry!

Goodbye Andy
Site to Avoid  = Dating Direct.

#2 Chris - Chris was a PCSO with a nurse fetish.  No he did not put that on his bio but he was chatting to several other women all of whom I worked with, one in the same department (which was great fun as we could compare notes!). 

Anyway, out of interest more than anything else, and yeah he looked OK in his pic with his uniform on, I agreed to meet.  We went to a local pub for drinks.  Mistake. He spent the first 20 minutes telling me how he hadn't had a woman for ages (I could see why) and I ended up pinned in a booth with some idiot trying to snog me and stroke my hair.  When I told him to get off he asked me if I hated sex!! Not a good start.  So the only way forward was wine. The date ended when I squeezed past him to get out of the booth and he slapped my bum, I went straight to the loo, texted a mate who rang me "as the babysitter" and I fled.  The guy was still plaguing me days later saying he had "felt so much chemistry". 

Goodbye Chris
Site to Avoid = Girls Date for Free (I know, the clue was in the name!)

And my #1 - Steven. God this was dire. 

I met him in a cafe where I got his life story.  A case in point of why not to share too much early on.  Married 4 times, ex-Para who got thrown out for kicking the crap out of an officer when he came back from the Gulf, ended up in the loony bin and was "possibly" schizophrenic but they hadn't decided yet.  Then he announced exactly what he would like to do with me sexually in detail so graphic it would have made Hugh Heffner blush.  He suggested a walk on the local common, I agreed because I didn't want to appear rude (God how times, and I, have changed!) and he started trying to snog me.


After 10 minutes he disappared to the toilet, only to come back and tell me that he had only gone because he was so excited he had "leaked a bit".  I fled.  He texted for weeks afterwards until I basically told him to F-off (my polite gene was obviously away that day).

Goodbye Steven.
Site to Avoid = yep, Girls Date for Free, a bit of a theme developing.

Before everyone goes off and deletes their online dating profile I did meet some pretty nice guys, they just weren't for me.  I probably I wasn't for them either!  However the numpties outweighed the nice guys by probably a 10:1 ratio. 

I have not included in this list 2 people who I did go on to have long-term dealings, though not necessarily relationships, with.  One was particularly grim and would make an amusing blog but it's too close to kiss-and-tell to be fair, the other is a man who started off as a friend with "benefits" and ended up being probably one of the best male friends I have had.  He is not included either!!

I finally met my partner the old-fashioned way, at a picnic via friends.