Mara's Musings

I feel I have been privaleged to have a father who brought me a perspective of the war "from the other side".  It has certainly instilled in me a distaste for the pointless loss of life on both sides and also an understanding that "the enemy" is actually a group of human beings with the same fears, thoughts, hopes and aspirations as our own.

My father had no love for Mussolini and certainly no wish to fight in the war.  He was conscripted just before going to college to complete a qualification which, had he obtained it, would probably have changed the course of his life and the loss of that is something he still feels pretty angry about.  As he is keen to point out, he had no hatred of the British in fact most of the people he served with hated Hitler as much as the British did!  There was no such thing as a conscientious objector in Italy.  If you didn't fight you got shot.

My Dad is now 92 but he will still remember the stories of poor equipment, winter conflicts wearing summer uniforms, no boots and so on.  Sound familiar?  Mostly he rants about the German officers whose policy (according to my Dad) was to send them in first, take the area and then when they ran off left them to cover the retreat. He also speaks about the day of his capture and the relief that it was the British because "we knew the British would treat us good".  Out of his entire regiment there were only about 30 or so left, he considers himself lucky to have survived.  He ended up on a farm in the Isle of Wight where he met my mum, returned here after the war and eventually became a British citizen.

So, as we remember the British war dead today, let us also spare a thought for the soldiers of the opposing armies who also died.

I am getting this link to a video out as far and wide as I possibly can in the hope that I can help other people who are in this position.  I now find myself in the exact same position as the people in this video because of the actions of a company called Lowell Portfolio, also known as Lowell Group.  These people have hounded me since May this year saying I owe a debt from years back (which I do not believe I do) and are not willing to provide any documentary evidence of any kind to support their claims.

I have today complained to the Financial Ombudsman Service and suggest that anyone else experiencing the same difficulties with this company to do the same.  These people cannot be allowed get away with bullying and harassing people like this!  If I owe money I am happy to pay it, what I am not happy to do is pay over money on the say-so of a company whose dubious business practices are well documented, including a watchdog investigation by the BBC!

We all know that call centres are just about one of the most irritating uses of the telephone.  There you are, sat having a nice cup of tea, or getting on with something useful and you are interrupted by some little oik, usually based in Bangalore and claiming to be called Dave, to sell you something you don't want, or hassle you in other ways peculiar to the cult of the call centre.

Knowing that at perimenopause and beyond we girls all get a little bit snarky - I thought, why not put my perimenopausal angst to some socially productive use?  Yes, I could have some call centre sport; this simultaneously achieves 3 things:
1)  You delay the call centre worker thus protecting others;
2) You relieve some of your angst meaning you are just so much nicer to those around you who you actually care about, and
3) You obtain the benefits of Schadenfreude by experiencing the joy of passing on a little of your own angst to someone else.


My Top 4 Tips are:

1)  Short and Sharp

"Hello, may I speak with Ms.........."
"I don't  know....are you ringing from a call centre?"
Remember that this is "off script" so there may be a pause whilst "Dave" collects his thoughts.
"Um...yes I am..."
"Well, in that case...you can't"   Hang up, job done.


2)  Time to Spare


"Hello,  may I speak with Ms......"
"Of course, I will go and get her for you...just hang on  a moment"
Place handset down and leave, make tea, have a sandwich or go out.
It ususally takes at least 2 minutes before they hang up.
No effort, great rewards.


3)  Vengeance is Mine


This is for those with  time to spare and a major grudge.  You will need: music, the ability not to laugh, and a pretty good telephone voice.

Simply wait for the call, and as they ask the "can I speak to..." question start talking over them
"Please hold, your call is important to us, we will connect you as soon as possible."  Play music.
Then repeat the above with slight variations, remember to include that they are moving up in the queue, that their call may be monitored for quality and training purposes, that they may be required to confirm their identity and so on.  If you can make a standard recording you can play into the phone you dont even have to stand there waiting for them to hang up.




4)  The Mexican Stand-off

Great for those occasions when they decide they want to "confirm your identity".  This is my personal favourite if I am bored and want some call center sport because you can drag this on and once they get off script they really get flustered.  It works for all "confirmation questions" with a little imagination, even your name.  And it helps if you start asking them questions too, well....try it and see.

"Can you tell me your date of birth?"
"No, you tell me what you think it is and I will confirm if it's right or not."
"Ummm....no I cant do that, you have to tell me what it is."
"That's not really confirming is it, that's giving you the information"
"Ummm......"
"Tell you what, What's your date of birth?"
"Umm, I dont give that out"
"No, nor do I"
Hang up, job done.

As a web designer I am sometimes asked to recommend or provide hosting for clients, but often clients like to shop around.

Here is some information to help you when looking at Web Hosts based on a personal experience of these 4 companies which are the ones I have worked with most frequently.

Cheap 'n' Cheerful - UK Cheapest

This is a very basic web hosting service.  They do support a lot of web applications like wordpress and joomla and they make life easy if you are not web savvy since since all updates can be done automatically.

I do not recommend these for e-commerce sites or those using content management systems like wordpress which take up a lot of space, or sites which are expected to expand rapidly.  I do use them for my own site which requires little in the way of stored images, etc.  Shops, and other sites where a lot of detail is uploaded they can quickly become full, and the company will suspend the account immediately if you go over your allocation.  Even if you upgrade immediately expect the site to be off-line for at least 24 hours.  They will not commit to a timescale for reinstatement.

The other thing to consider is their storage space vs cost.  If you were to buy a site large enough for a mid-scale ecommerce site run on a shopping cart programme, it could work out more expensive than a better package elsewhere. 

They score poorly on customer service - they have no dedicated phone lines so all support questions have to be dealt with online.  They will report that they are dealing with all support "tickets" within 1 hour but rarely do, even on an urgent ticket you can wait at least 24 hours for any response and the customer support you do get is pretty lack lustre.

Verdict: Cheap, you get what you pay for, OK for small trades based sites and personal sites.

Good Service - 123 Reg & UK Host4U

Although I find the UK Host4U website irritating in the extreme (especially the online chat window that zooms across the screen), I have never had any problems with either of these companies, they are reasonably priced and offer a good customer support service which is based within the UK.  They also support many web applications, content management systems and e-commerce carts.  With 123-Reg, if you purchase their business package or higher you can choose to host more than one site with them for the same fee.  The sites are mainly shared, non-managed server sites and I would say they are good value for money.


Verdict: Standard shared and non managed web hosting service, various packages to suit the needs of different sized businesses as well as the smaller website.

Top of the Range - Your Site Here (YSH)

Without doubt the best web hosting service I have ever used in terms of its customer service. Run by the Dark group the customer service availability is limited to office hours but the telephone is answered immediately, the staff actually know your name and can help with every aspect of your site from basic uploading issues, right through to intricate little problems you may have with any one of the number of web based applications they support.  This, in my view, is top of the line hosting and you will pay accordingly.  The downside is that they whilst they do offer web applications and content management system support, once something like wordpress or joomla is installed space is at a premium.  Even smallish sites can quickly become full even on their Platinum service which offers 1GB storage compared to 10GB+ on other servers.

Verdict: Fine for non content management based sites.  Excellent customer care.


Quick Comparison - Cost vs Storage Space


UK Cheapest:  10GB storage for £7.49 per month.
UKHost4U:  10GB storage for £14.99 month
123-Reg:  25GB storage for £4.99 month
YSH: 1GB storage for around £25.00 per month (this is the largest storage available with this host)

In order for your website to go live online it has to be "hosted" on a server owned by a Web Hosting company.

It is often possible to purchase your domain name (web address) and hosting from the same company, for example 123.reg offers this service as do many others.  This is probably the easiest way of getting a host, but some people like to shop around for the best deal.  If you decide to go down this route it is best to look out for some key issues that will effect the quality of the hosting you receive.

Cost

Don't over prioritise cost in terms of your hosting.  "You get what you pay for"  is the key here.  Make sure you are not losing out in terms of time connected to the internet, or lack of support when you need it.  Look out for customer support that you can access via the telephone if you need to. 

Support 

Closely linked to cost, if you go very cheap (especially if you go overseas) are they going to have experienced systems administrators on their support staff?   This can help avoid wasting hours talking to unskilled staff at a call centre with an issue that will take a systems administrator 5 minutes to sort out.

Look for hosts that support applications like wordpress, joomla or drupal if you plan on using these to manage the content of your site.  You could find that many cheaper hosts will only give support for initial set up and so if you do get into difficulties there will be no one available with any knowledge of these to help you sort them out.

Check what is and what is not available as free support, if in doubt ring them and ask, otherwise you could find yourself faced with so many hidden charges that you  may as well have just gone straight for more expensive hosting in the first place.

Size Really Isn't Everything!

Just because a company is large it is not a guarantee of stability or of good service.  If you are buying hosting of any kind, but especially the higher end expensive hosting services, check to see that the company are making a profit, if it has changed hands frequently and check in the online forums to see if people have had issues with them in the past and what those issues are.

Using Cheap Foreign Hosts (Or even UK based ones!)

Be aware that many of these hosts may be charging peanuts for hosting but many may not be that discerning about the type of sites they allow on their servers.  Porn and spamming sites will eventually be blackholed, essentially blocking the transit of electronic information from their sites to others.  If you happen to be on the same server you could end up having security issues or problems with electronic communication via your website.  It is not unknown for blocked IP addresses to be recycled to new clients which will immediately cause issues for your site.



Use Word of Mouth Recommendations

If you are planning an e-commerce site, go and talk to someone else who has an online shop and ask about their experience with the hosts.  People will not usually hold back if their is a problem!  Or ask a web designer, even if they are not doing your site themselves, they are often happy to give opinion as to the best hosting service for your needs.  The benefit of this is that they have often worked with different hosts over a period of time so can give you some useful background on more than one company.

Finally, remember that the service provided may change over time, so when your hosting comes up for renewal take some time out to look at other hosts and see if it may be  ime to make a change.

I have taken to picking my posts/status updates/comments to pieces before I post because someone, somewhere always either takes offense or gets the wrong end of the stick.  If you too are sick of trying to protect everyone else's feelings as well as your own and you never want to risk offending anyone ever again, or indeed risk becoming the victim of an online troll, you will need to learn to avoid certain "high risk" subjects:


Animal Rights
Any link, comment or question on this subject is likely to produce defensive comments and even aggressive ones.  If you call into question any element of hypocrisy relating to people who participate in certain activities in the name of animal rights it is tantamount to saying that all said organisations are bad, that animal protection is bad and that you want to torture harmless puppies, bunnies and kittens.  No matter how much you may feel that animal protection and rescue is great, no matter how many times you repeat yourself and even if you support or even run a rescue yourself, you will never convince your attackers that you didnt go the the KFC School of Animal Husbandry and are therefore an evil bastard who runs a battery farm and should be hung by their nipples from the nearest tree.

Meat Eating/Vegetarianism/Veganism/Raw Eating/Any Dietary Choices
Unless you are actually undertaking a type of diet in the area on which you wish to comment, it will automatically be assumed that any link you post is a veiled or even an overt attack on someone else's lifestyle choice.  Even if you believe strongly in your cause that all meat is murder or a vegan diet is odd and may be bad for you, you must remain silent or risk social network suicide.  In fact even the most innocuous links should be avoided.  Do not even consider posting something that you feel anyone in a dietary/lifestyle group that is in anyway different to your own would find interesting or informative. It can be seen as patronising or even as a form of attack.  Once they get defensive you will then feel oblicated to waste your life trying to explain something  is actually completely self-explanatory. 

Race
Even if you are trying to point out something perfectly reasonable, be aware that you could get accused of racism at any time. This applies equally to ALL races..  Avoid any statements relating to your own race, or others, or any opinion of yours which may be seen to be racially biased.  The safest course of action is to keep completely silent and convince yourself that everyone is completely pure of thought and no one ever makes a racist remark, tells an improper joke, holds a racist stereotype view of anyone or in any way, shape or form dislikes or makes assumptions about anyone simply on the basis that their skin may be a different colour. It's much safer that way.  This can equally be applied to nationality, gender, sexuality, etc.  In fact any aspect of human behaviour.  So if you can possibly resist try not to comment on anything at all.

Religion
Another hot potato best avoided.  How can a non-christian/jew/muslim/hindu/buddhist/pagan possibly have anything to say on anyone else's religion?  We are best not trying to understand others by asking questions, because someone somewhere is going to get on the defensive and assume you are ridiculing/undermining their whole belief system. 

Be aware that someone may hold theories on a number of religious based subjects themselves, eg, they may consider that it is likely they descended from Aliens but ridicule the existence of a God or Goddess.  Therefore, if you say anything at all about your own religion they are just as likely to discount it as rubbish as anyone else. Silence is the best option here.

Politics/Current Affairs
You don't want to get accused of being left/right wing, towing the party line, etc by expressing an opinion.  People get very upset if others question their viewpoint let alone openly disagreeing with it and this will lead to upset and social networking unpopularity, with of course the threat of the ultimate sanction: that of being being blocked and deleted.  Best to just agree with everyone about everything.  Or say nothing in case you get accused of being one of the "sheeple". 

The Environment
Never mention renewable energy, the risk here is that you will be accused of being a left wing tree hugging hippy. Someone will invariably point out that you are typing on a mass produced computer, which is probably non-recyclable and using electricity which is likely generated via fossil fuel/oil or nuclear power plants, you will get upset and it will all go terribly wrong.

Never question anyone who is protesting on anything enviornment related.  If the campaign is in favour of nuclear energy see my previous comment on being called a tree-hugger, if it is against nuclear power expect to be lambasted as if you are personally producing CFC containing aerosols and burning non-smokeless fossil fuels on a world widescale whilst simultaneously bulldozing the rainforest.

Never ask about alternatives to what they are protesting against most people do not know, or have not bothered to investigate if there actually is one. So don't risk bruising their sensibilities with difficult questions.  It's just not the decent thing to do.

Other Countries
Never, ever, postulate about possible solutions to problems in other countries.  Not only are you going to be told you are wrong and risk hurt feelings you are also likely to be branded either a) racist or b) an imperialist oppressor (possibly both) or conversely c) a bleeding heart liberal.

Never use the word "terrorism" in a post - remember 'one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter' and you would not wish to ever offend anyone, that would be bad.  Also any suggestion of "International Aid" is something that will get you into a lot of  trouble. If you cannot help but empathise with the plight of others never suggest that we send them any financial aid whatsoever.  It will only lead to social networking heartache.

So in conclusion:  to avoid offence on social networking sites you should try to remember that you do not actually know half of your "online friends", you are not down the pub having a good natured, face-to-face banter like you would have been back in the "good old days" when you could get your meaning across by tone of voice etc and above all:-

• Never express your own opinion
• Never comment on other people's opinions

In fact it may be safer to just leave the site altogether and go back to talking to people face to face where such confusion is less common and more easily resolved.

An article posted on the BBC website today detailed 10 different views on the cause of the recent riots in the uk. The third point cites lack of fathers and hence (apparently) a male role model as an issue.

I think the issue of a lack of a male role model is fine, but its the lack of it within society that is a problem and that is not going to get solved by just sticking any kind of man into a family unit! Sexual equality is a good thing, It's good for both men and women in that our choices are no longer restricted by gender.  However, where we used to have a clear idea about what it mean to be a man or a woman in terms of self respect and  behaviour,we now have a gap.  And while this wont make me any friends in the radical feminist camp, I think this has hit the male population a lot harder than we would like to believe.  We are all able to be aggressive and domineering, the problem is that our society often portrays these as strong and positive male traits, with men who are thoughtful, kind and empathetic are portrayed as weak and feminine, at the same time a lot of the traditional male roles have dissappeared.  I am not advocating that we slot neatly back in to our sexual stereotypes here but that we re-examine what qualities we value as a society in both genders.

We also need to dispel the myth that most single parents are young teens looking to get a council house.  This is a convenient political tactic used to target single parent families who claim benefits, yet in reality most occur as a result of a breakdown in a relationship.Not all single parent families are headed by women, the vast majority are, but there are some great single fathers out there and no one sits there saying they are doing a bad job because their kids lack a female role model.

As someone who found myself alone bringing up 3 kids I can honestly say that the male role models that were available at the time were not positive ones.  The issues ranged from mental and sexual abuse, through to being a philandering idiot who couldn't keep his trousers zipped up.  The men that were available were not exactly "positive role models". It was not how I wanted my kids, especially my son, to perceive the role of the male within society or within a relationship.

My choice was to live alone.  I hoped I would one day meet a "quality man"  - someone who would show an aspect of the male psyche that did not hinge on being a testoterone overloaded idiot who threw their weight around, felt it was OK to treat women badly, or whine when they had to do things that needed doing just because it wasn't fun.   In the meantime, there were plenty of men around to provide a decent role model, they just werent my sexual partner or living in my house!!

You can argue that having 2 loving parents is better than one, and it is, if both parents love and respect each other and their children. And respect for your children includes preparing them to live within a community through discipline and establishing  boundaries!!   I do not support the implication that any father is better than no father since a negative role model is worse not better than no role model at all.  Plenty of well balanced human beings are turned out by single mothers (and fathers) who, in the main, see to it that they fulfill as many of their childrens needs as humanly possible.