Mara's Musings

Always ask someone before linking to their site, they may not consider the link appropriate and they are within their rights to ask for you to remove the link. In any case it is bad manners and extremely bad netiquette to link to another person’s site without asking first.

On all the sites that I design a small link is placed at the foot of the page which states (in small unobtrusive text) “Designed by Mara Cortesi”. Only sites with this present have been designed by me. If the client chooses to link to me more specifically on a links page then I am always very grateful but this is not essential.

External sites may from time to time choose to link back to my site without my permission, however this is not an indication that I have designed that site.

I feel I have been privaleged to have a father who brought me a perspective of the war "from the other side".  It has certainly instilled in me a distaste for the pointless loss of life on both sides and also an understanding that "the enemy" is actually a group of human beings with the same fears, thoughts, hopes and aspirations as our own.

My father had no love for Mussolini and certainly no wish to fight in the war.  He was conscripted just before going to college to complete a qualification which, had he obtained it, would probably have changed the course of his life and the loss of that is something he still feels pretty angry about.  As he is keen to point out, he had no hatred of the British in fact most of the people he served with hated Hitler as much as the British did!  There was no such thing as a conscientious objector in Italy.  If you didn't fight you got shot.

My Dad is now 92 but he will still remember the stories of poor equipment, winter conflicts wearing summer uniforms, no boots and so on.  Sound familiar?  Mostly he rants about the German officers whose policy (according to my Dad) was to send them in first, take the area and then when they ran off left them to cover the retreat. He also speaks about the day of his capture and the relief that it was the British because "we knew the British would treat us good".  Out of his entire regiment there were only about 30 or so left, he considers himself lucky to have survived.  He ended up on a farm in the Isle of Wight where he met my mum, returned here after the war and eventually became a British citizen.

So, as we remember the British war dead today, let us also spare a thought for the soldiers of the opposing armies who also died.

I am getting this link to a video out as far and wide as I possibly can in the hope that I can help other people who are in this position.  I now find myself in the exact same position as the people in this video because of the actions of a company called Lowell Portfolio, also known as Lowell Group.  These people have hounded me since May this year saying I owe a debt from years back (which I do not believe I do) and are not willing to provide any documentary evidence of any kind to support their claims.

I have today complained to the Financial Ombudsman Service and suggest that anyone else experiencing the same difficulties with this company to do the same.  These people cannot be allowed get away with bullying and harassing people like this!  If I owe money I am happy to pay it, what I am not happy to do is pay over money on the say-so of a company whose dubious business practices are well documented, including a watchdog investigation by the BBC!

We all know that call centres are just about one of the most irritating uses of the telephone.  There you are, sat having a nice cup of tea, or getting on with something useful and you are interrupted by some little oik, usually based in Bangalore and claiming to be called Dave, to sell you something you don't want, or hassle you in other ways peculiar to the cult of the call centre.

Knowing that at perimenopause and beyond we girls all get a little bit snarky - I thought, why not put my perimenopausal angst to some socially productive use?  Yes, I could have some call centre sport; this simultaneously achieves 3 things:
1)  You delay the call centre worker thus protecting others;
2) You relieve some of your angst meaning you are just so much nicer to those around you who you actually care about, and
3) You obtain the benefits of Schadenfreude by experiencing the joy of passing on a little of your own angst to someone else.


My Top 4 Tips are:

1)  Short and Sharp

"Hello, may I speak with Ms.........."
"I don't  know....are you ringing from a call centre?"
Remember that this is "off script" so there may be a pause whilst "Dave" collects his thoughts.
"Um...yes I am..."
"Well, in that case...you can't"   Hang up, job done.


2)  Time to Spare


"Hello,  may I speak with Ms......"
"Of course, I will go and get her for you...just hang on  a moment"
Place handset down and leave, make tea, have a sandwich or go out.
It ususally takes at least 2 minutes before they hang up.
No effort, great rewards.


3)  Vengeance is Mine


This is for those with  time to spare and a major grudge.  You will need: music, the ability not to laugh, and a pretty good telephone voice.

Simply wait for the call, and as they ask the "can I speak to..." question start talking over them
"Please hold, your call is important to us, we will connect you as soon as possible."  Play music.
Then repeat the above with slight variations, remember to include that they are moving up in the queue, that their call may be monitored for quality and training purposes, that they may be required to confirm their identity and so on.  If you can make a standard recording you can play into the phone you dont even have to stand there waiting for them to hang up.




4)  The Mexican Stand-off

Great for those occasions when they decide they want to "confirm your identity".  This is my personal favourite if I am bored and want some call center sport because you can drag this on and once they get off script they really get flustered.  It works for all "confirmation questions" with a little imagination, even your name.  And it helps if you start asking them questions too, well....try it and see.

"Can you tell me your date of birth?"
"No, you tell me what you think it is and I will confirm if it's right or not."
"Ummm....no I cant do that, you have to tell me what it is."
"That's not really confirming is it, that's giving you the information"
"Ummm......"
"Tell you what, What's your date of birth?"
"Umm, I dont give that out"
"No, nor do I"
Hang up, job done.

As a web designer I am sometimes asked to recommend or provide hosting for clients, but often clients like to shop around.

Here is some information to help you when looking at Web Hosts based on a personal experience of these 4 companies which are the ones I have worked with most frequently.

Cheap 'n' Cheerful - UK Cheapest

This is a very basic web hosting service.  They do support a lot of web applications like wordpress and joomla and they make life easy if you are not web savvy since since all updates can be done automatically.

I do not recommend these for e-commerce sites or those using content management systems like wordpress which take up a lot of space, or sites which are expected to expand rapidly.  I do use them for my own site which requires little in the way of stored images, etc.  Shops, and other sites where a lot of detail is uploaded they can quickly become full, and the company will suspend the account immediately if you go over your allocation.  Even if you upgrade immediately expect the site to be off-line for at least 24 hours.  They will not commit to a timescale for reinstatement.

The other thing to consider is their storage space vs cost.  If you were to buy a site large enough for a mid-scale ecommerce site run on a shopping cart programme, it could work out more expensive than a better package elsewhere. 

They score poorly on customer service - they have no dedicated phone lines so all support questions have to be dealt with online.  They will report that they are dealing with all support "tickets" within 1 hour but rarely do, even on an urgent ticket you can wait at least 24 hours for any response and the customer support you do get is pretty lack lustre.

Verdict: Cheap, you get what you pay for, OK for small trades based sites and personal sites.

Good Service - 123 Reg & UK Host4U

Although I find the UK Host4U website irritating in the extreme (especially the online chat window that zooms across the screen), I have never had any problems with either of these companies, they are reasonably priced and offer a good customer support service which is based within the UK.  They also support many web applications, content management systems and e-commerce carts.  With 123-Reg, if you purchase their business package or higher you can choose to host more than one site with them for the same fee.  The sites are mainly shared, non-managed server sites and I would say they are good value for money.


Verdict: Standard shared and non managed web hosting service, various packages to suit the needs of different sized businesses as well as the smaller website.

Top of the Range - Your Site Here (YSH)

Without doubt the best web hosting service I have ever used in terms of its customer service. Run by the Dark group the customer service availability is limited to office hours but the telephone is answered immediately, the staff actually know your name and can help with every aspect of your site from basic uploading issues, right through to intricate little problems you may have with any one of the number of web based applications they support.  This, in my view, is top of the line hosting and you will pay accordingly.  The downside is that they whilst they do offer web applications and content management system support, once something like wordpress or joomla is installed space is at a premium.  Even smallish sites can quickly become full even on their Platinum service which offers 1GB storage compared to 10GB+ on other servers.

Verdict: Fine for non content management based sites.  Excellent customer care.


Quick Comparison - Cost vs Storage Space


UK Cheapest:  10GB storage for £7.49 per month.
UKHost4U:  10GB storage for £14.99 month
123-Reg:  25GB storage for £4.99 month
YSH: 1GB storage for around £25.00 per month (this is the largest storage available with this host)

In order for your website to go live online it has to be "hosted" on a server owned by a Web Hosting company.

It is often possible to purchase your domain name (web address) and hosting from the same company, for example 123.reg offers this service as do many others.  This is probably the easiest way of getting a host, but some people like to shop around for the best deal.  If you decide to go down this route it is best to look out for some key issues that will effect the quality of the hosting you receive.

Cost

Don't over prioritise cost in terms of your hosting.  "You get what you pay for"  is the key here.  Make sure you are not losing out in terms of time connected to the internet, or lack of support when you need it.  Look out for customer support that you can access via the telephone if you need to. 

Support 

Closely linked to cost, if you go very cheap (especially if you go overseas) are they going to have experienced systems administrators on their support staff?   This can help avoid wasting hours talking to unskilled staff at a call centre with an issue that will take a systems administrator 5 minutes to sort out.

Look for hosts that support applications like wordpress, joomla or drupal if you plan on using these to manage the content of your site.  You could find that many cheaper hosts will only give support for initial set up and so if you do get into difficulties there will be no one available with any knowledge of these to help you sort them out.

Check what is and what is not available as free support, if in doubt ring them and ask, otherwise you could find yourself faced with so many hidden charges that you  may as well have just gone straight for more expensive hosting in the first place.

Size Really Isn't Everything!

Just because a company is large it is not a guarantee of stability or of good service.  If you are buying hosting of any kind, but especially the higher end expensive hosting services, check to see that the company are making a profit, if it has changed hands frequently and check in the online forums to see if people have had issues with them in the past and what those issues are.

Using Cheap Foreign Hosts (Or even UK based ones!)

Be aware that many of these hosts may be charging peanuts for hosting but many may not be that discerning about the type of sites they allow on their servers.  Porn and spamming sites will eventually be blackholed, essentially blocking the transit of electronic information from their sites to others.  If you happen to be on the same server you could end up having security issues or problems with electronic communication via your website.  It is not unknown for blocked IP addresses to be recycled to new clients which will immediately cause issues for your site.



Use Word of Mouth Recommendations

If you are planning an e-commerce site, go and talk to someone else who has an online shop and ask about their experience with the hosts.  People will not usually hold back if their is a problem!  Or ask a web designer, even if they are not doing your site themselves, they are often happy to give opinion as to the best hosting service for your needs.  The benefit of this is that they have often worked with different hosts over a period of time so can give you some useful background on more than one company.

Finally, remember that the service provided may change over time, so when your hosting comes up for renewal take some time out to look at other hosts and see if it may be  ime to make a change.

I have taken to picking my posts/status updates/comments to pieces before I post because someone, somewhere always either takes offense or gets the wrong end of the stick.  If you too are sick of trying to protect everyone else's feelings as well as your own and you never want to risk offending anyone ever again, or indeed risk becoming the victim of an online troll, you will need to learn to avoid certain "high risk" subjects:


Animal Rights
Any link, comment or question on this subject is likely to produce defensive comments and even aggressive ones.  If you call into question any element of hypocrisy relating to people who participate in certain activities in the name of animal rights it is tantamount to saying that all said organisations are bad, that animal protection is bad and that you want to torture harmless puppies, bunnies and kittens.  No matter how much you may feel that animal protection and rescue is great, no matter how many times you repeat yourself and even if you support or even run a rescue yourself, you will never convince your attackers that you didnt go the the KFC School of Animal Husbandry and are therefore an evil bastard who runs a battery farm and should be hung by their nipples from the nearest tree.

Meat Eating/Vegetarianism/Veganism/Raw Eating/Any Dietary Choices
Unless you are actually undertaking a type of diet in the area on which you wish to comment, it will automatically be assumed that any link you post is a veiled or even an overt attack on someone else's lifestyle choice.  Even if you believe strongly in your cause that all meat is murder or a vegan diet is odd and may be bad for you, you must remain silent or risk social network suicide.  In fact even the most innocuous links should be avoided.  Do not even consider posting something that you feel anyone in a dietary/lifestyle group that is in anyway different to your own would find interesting or informative. It can be seen as patronising or even as a form of attack.  Once they get defensive you will then feel oblicated to waste your life trying to explain something  is actually completely self-explanatory. 

Race
Even if you are trying to point out something perfectly reasonable, be aware that you could get accused of racism at any time. This applies equally to ALL races..  Avoid any statements relating to your own race, or others, or any opinion of yours which may be seen to be racially biased.  The safest course of action is to keep completely silent and convince yourself that everyone is completely pure of thought and no one ever makes a racist remark, tells an improper joke, holds a racist stereotype view of anyone or in any way, shape or form dislikes or makes assumptions about anyone simply on the basis that their skin may be a different colour. It's much safer that way.  This can equally be applied to nationality, gender, sexuality, etc.  In fact any aspect of human behaviour.  So if you can possibly resist try not to comment on anything at all.

Religion
Another hot potato best avoided.  How can a non-christian/jew/muslim/hindu/buddhist/pagan possibly have anything to say on anyone else's religion?  We are best not trying to understand others by asking questions, because someone somewhere is going to get on the defensive and assume you are ridiculing/undermining their whole belief system. 

Be aware that someone may hold theories on a number of religious based subjects themselves, eg, they may consider that it is likely they descended from Aliens but ridicule the existence of a God or Goddess.  Therefore, if you say anything at all about your own religion they are just as likely to discount it as rubbish as anyone else. Silence is the best option here.

Politics/Current Affairs
You don't want to get accused of being left/right wing, towing the party line, etc by expressing an opinion.  People get very upset if others question their viewpoint let alone openly disagreeing with it and this will lead to upset and social networking unpopularity, with of course the threat of the ultimate sanction: that of being being blocked and deleted.  Best to just agree with everyone about everything.  Or say nothing in case you get accused of being one of the "sheeple". 

The Environment
Never mention renewable energy, the risk here is that you will be accused of being a left wing tree hugging hippy. Someone will invariably point out that you are typing on a mass produced computer, which is probably non-recyclable and using electricity which is likely generated via fossil fuel/oil or nuclear power plants, you will get upset and it will all go terribly wrong.

Never question anyone who is protesting on anything enviornment related.  If the campaign is in favour of nuclear energy see my previous comment on being called a tree-hugger, if it is against nuclear power expect to be lambasted as if you are personally producing CFC containing aerosols and burning non-smokeless fossil fuels on a world widescale whilst simultaneously bulldozing the rainforest.

Never ask about alternatives to what they are protesting against most people do not know, or have not bothered to investigate if there actually is one. So don't risk bruising their sensibilities with difficult questions.  It's just not the decent thing to do.

Other Countries
Never, ever, postulate about possible solutions to problems in other countries.  Not only are you going to be told you are wrong and risk hurt feelings you are also likely to be branded either a) racist or b) an imperialist oppressor (possibly both) or conversely c) a bleeding heart liberal.

Never use the word "terrorism" in a post - remember 'one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter' and you would not wish to ever offend anyone, that would be bad.  Also any suggestion of "International Aid" is something that will get you into a lot of  trouble. If you cannot help but empathise with the plight of others never suggest that we send them any financial aid whatsoever.  It will only lead to social networking heartache.

So in conclusion:  to avoid offence on social networking sites you should try to remember that you do not actually know half of your "online friends", you are not down the pub having a good natured, face-to-face banter like you would have been back in the "good old days" when you could get your meaning across by tone of voice etc and above all:-

• Never express your own opinion
• Never comment on other people's opinions

In fact it may be safer to just leave the site altogether and go back to talking to people face to face where such confusion is less common and more easily resolved.

An article posted on the BBC website today detailed 10 different views on the cause of the recent riots in the uk. The third point cites lack of fathers and hence (apparently) a male role model as an issue.

I think the issue of a lack of a male role model is fine, but its the lack of it within society that is a problem and that is not going to get solved by just sticking any kind of man into a family unit! Sexual equality is a good thing, It's good for both men and women in that our choices are no longer restricted by gender.  However, where we used to have a clear idea about what it mean to be a man or a woman in terms of self respect and  behaviour,we now have a gap.  And while this wont make me any friends in the radical feminist camp, I think this has hit the male population a lot harder than we would like to believe.  We are all able to be aggressive and domineering, the problem is that our society often portrays these as strong and positive male traits, with men who are thoughtful, kind and empathetic are portrayed as weak and feminine, at the same time a lot of the traditional male roles have dissappeared.  I am not advocating that we slot neatly back in to our sexual stereotypes here but that we re-examine what qualities we value as a society in both genders.

We also need to dispel the myth that most single parents are young teens looking to get a council house.  This is a convenient political tactic used to target single parent families who claim benefits, yet in reality most occur as a result of a breakdown in a relationship.Not all single parent families are headed by women, the vast majority are, but there are some great single fathers out there and no one sits there saying they are doing a bad job because their kids lack a female role model.

As someone who found myself alone bringing up 3 kids I can honestly say that the male role models that were available at the time were not positive ones.  The issues ranged from mental and sexual abuse, through to being a philandering idiot who couldn't keep his trousers zipped up.  The men that were available were not exactly "positive role models". It was not how I wanted my kids, especially my son, to perceive the role of the male within society or within a relationship.

My choice was to live alone.  I hoped I would one day meet a "quality man"  - someone who would show an aspect of the male psyche that did not hinge on being a testoterone overloaded idiot who threw their weight around, felt it was OK to treat women badly, or whine when they had to do things that needed doing just because it wasn't fun.   In the meantime, there were plenty of men around to provide a decent role model, they just werent my sexual partner or living in my house!!

You can argue that having 2 loving parents is better than one, and it is, if both parents love and respect each other and their children. And respect for your children includes preparing them to live within a community through discipline and establishing  boundaries!!   I do not support the implication that any father is better than no father since a negative role model is worse not better than no role model at all.  Plenty of well balanced human beings are turned out by single mothers (and fathers) who, in the main, see to it that they fulfill as many of their childrens needs as humanly possible. 

Back in the good old 1980s I was extremely active in the Anti Poll Tax campaign and I attended a large number of peaceful protests including the large demonstrations is Glasgow and London, which unfortunately ended in the Trafalgar Square riots.  The riot on Trafalgar Square kicked off basically because people were trapped within a small area (possibly kettled before it got called kettling!) people got scared, a small minority  kicked off and before you knew it you had mounted police rampaging all over the place. Until that moment the march had been good natured.

This was a legitimate political protest, which eventually god rid of both the Poll Tax and Thatcher.  During the same period I was practically thrown down a flight of stairs by a police officer whilst trying to escape a skirmish between a group of "anarchist revolutionaries" and the police who had been called to empty the viewing gallery of the council chamber.  Myself and rather a lot of other people who had no interest in violent confrontation were prevented from leaving and were caught up in the middle. Being hurled at speed towards a flight of stone steps is likely to upset anyone's equilibrium. Possibly he was trying to get me out of the way rather than kill me however, it was a bloody scary situation.

In the light of my own experiences I think that we should all consider that bringing in the army, water cannon, baton rounds or CS gas is the option of last resort.  Even the police (who have had access to baton rounds throughout) are not willing to cross that particular line.Whilst understanding why people want these things to bring a speedy conclusion to the disturbances it will set a dangerous precedent and effect the handling of legitimate peaceful protests that sometimes get out of hand.  During the student loans protest it occured  because the police used the same sort of  ridiculous crowd management techniques they used at Trafalgar Square.

CS gas was last used in mainland Britain in Toxteth in 1981 during the riots there. Fortunately it has never been used since, but because we have already crossed that particular line I am expecting that if things do degenerate it will be the next port of call.

I am not talking about being soft on the rioters, I certainly dont consider that looting local businesses, burning people's homes and causing widespread distruction for no apparent reason a legitimate "cause".

However, it is true to say that the rioters are a product of our society and we have to look at that, from state level government policies, the policing tactics that are used,  right down to the parenting skills of people who let children as young as 10 years old literally run riot on the streets at midnight.  The individuals doing this have made their bed and now they will hopefully face the consequences, but if we dont look to change the deep rooted lack of caring and respect for other people that seems to becoming characteristic of the UK today, we are in for more of the same.

Written in response to Ross Hemsworth's Blog

I am currently designing a website for a virtual environment digital artist who renders high resolution images and animations.

Have a look at the website as it develops.  The galleries will go online in the next day or so - this guy is amazingly talented so do take a look.

I had an interesting conversation with a Goddess Conference attendee yesterday in which she spoke about her concern regarding the lack of balance between the masculine and feminine aspects of deity within "modern witchcraft".  I did point out that the Goddess Temple was what it says it is, it is not and does not to my knowledge purport to be, the representative of the entirety of British Witchcraft/Paganism .  The clue is pretty much in the name.

I am not slagging off the Goddess conference or its attendees, I have never attended the conference myself so I only have my perspective from the outside.  What I don't like is the attitude that seems to permeate from many of their followers they are somehow "redressing the balance" because what they are actually doing is creating imblance within their own religion which comes across to people like me on the outside world as being anti-male, feminist dogma.

The main argument I hear in favour of excluding the God is that society is already "dominated" by a male God - in the form of Christianity, Islam and Judaism where the feminine is excluded. It's a valid point and I am not defending it, but world "society" contains many religions a lot of which do have female deities.  Even within Christianity the Virgin is venerated and prayed to in her own right.  Just walk into any Roman Catholic Church and you will see a shrine or chapel in her honour.

My question is:  how do you provide balance within your own particular faith by simply replacing the masculine with the feminine?  Surely placing the male as secondary to the female aspect of deity is equally as wrong and I don't think you can really justify marginalising the masculine in one religion to make up for the perceived lack of balance in another!

Surely we should, especially in this day an age, be able to recognise that different does not mean unequal. So called "masculine qualities" are not negative in my view, any more than "feminine qualities" are always totally positive in their expression.


This particular woman was obviously seeking to redress the balance within her chosen faith, and left with a copy of  the book The Witches' God by Stewart & Janet Farrar.  A wide choise of pagan God imagery has been hard to come by on the high street but can now be found at Herotica in Glastonbury .  The artwork is all created by Glastonbury artist Lynn Bastian and celebrates the Divine Male in all his aspects.

Easiest ways of making an idiot of yourself on Facebook:

My personal favourite - Posting when Emotional/Drunk

Posting when drunk is a really, really bad idea, but one that many of us, myself included, is guilty of from time to time.  There is nothing worse than waking up the morning after to read something that sounded really funny in your head at 2am after a bottle of wine, only to realise how totally cringe-making it actually is. It can also lead on to the following horrendous situations!!

Over-Reacting to People's Posts

If you post it for public comment you cannot really complain if people comment on it and people do not always view things the same. If they get offensive just delete their comments. Simples.  Discussion is all part of the rich fabric of life.  And if someone posts something you disagree with just keep it sane.  As someone who has been a victim of aggressive attacks over a pretty inoffensive little video, there is nothing quite as gratifying as bumping into someone in town who has completely over-reacted to something on Facebook only to feel like a complete arse once they had calmed down/sobered up. Watching a grown man blush and pretend they haven't seen you is the nectar of the Gods!!


Slagging off your Boss/Work Colleagues

This is an obvious no-no.  For a start you could end up getting the sack and this isn't necessarily the worst case scenario.  You could end up working somewhere and finding that everyone dislikes you intensely.  Definitely not pleasant. Generic bitching about work is fine, but if you start slagging off individuals and you actually need the job you may want to rethink!  Someone always knows someone who knows someone who may know exactly who you are talking about!!  And obviously no one would be idiotic enough to do this if their boss is actually on Facebook would they? 

Washing your Dirty Laundry in Public (Or even worse someone else's!)

No one really wants to know that you think your other half is a complete wanker/bitch.  If that's the case then either move on or shut up.  You may well be all loved up again tomorrow however, the reputation of your other half is going to take a bashing and it may affect people's wish to socialise with them (and you) in the future.

Similarly if someone tells you something about their relationship problems they really don't want cryptic remarks on your status or responses to theirs that gives the game away and possibly more information than they want in the public domain.

Relationship-related Statuses

Add caption

We don't need to know how much you love each other every second of every day.  Repeated gushing saccharin statuses are incredibly boring.  You will end up with your feed hidden, or even worse, people will just define you in terms of your relationship.  There is nothing worse than being one-dimensional.  Also, you are going to feel like a complete idiot if it all goes tits up later!  The odd romantic post is great, but if it's every 2nd or 3rd status your audience will probably go into a coma through sugar overload!

No one wants to know if you have had/or are planning to have some sack time with the love of your life.  As far as we are all concerned you are like action man/Barbie in the genitals department and images of you making the beast with 2 backs are not required.  And we especially do not want you colouring them in!

At the present time you can choose from a grand total of 10 relationship statuses on the popular social networking site Facebook.  But how on earth can one choose?  Read my brief guide to help you make one of the most important social networking decisions of your life!


Single, Engaged, Married, Divorced, Widowed and in a Civil Partnership.  These mean what we all know they mean. But what if we do not neatly fit into these nice pigeon holes that Facebook has designed for us?  Fear not!!  You have more choices!!

Separated - may mean what it says, can also mean "really I'm married but I fancy a bit on the side".  

In a Relationship - long term,(probably) monogomous relationship with a person of indeterminant gender. Possibly cohabiting.  Unlike "married" and "civil partnership" this will not simultaneously inform your audience as to the nature of your sexuality. To be fair this "outing" is not really Facebook's fault but rather the fault of a society that sees marriage between 2 people of the same sex and that between a man and a woman as somehow different.  But I digress.

The 2 other relationship statuses on offer are: "in an open relationship" and "it's complicated". These are a bit more ambiguous in their meaning.

Open Relationship as a status should NEVER be taken at face value.  A genuine open relationship is by mutual agreement. However in the parameters of  Facebook (and in my experience also in real life!) you can never really know if this is the case or if it is just one person agreeing that the other can shag around in the vain hope that they won't.  So if you start facebook flirting and/or end up forming some sort of primarily sexual relationship with someone who claims to be in an "open relationship"  you could still end up getting your head kicked in by their significant other.  Be warned.

My favourite status of all time has to be "It's Complicated" - What the hell does that mean?  How complicated can it be?  Either you are in a relationship or you are not!!  Some relationships really are too complicated to explain easily in a one word status, but most actually aren't.  For the sake of argument lets look at some potential meanings to this intriguing relationship status:

• I am polyamorous (not to be confused with infidelity or promiscuity) 
• I have a couple on the go and like to keep my options open
• One or both parties are married or in a relationship elsewhere
• One or both parties is committment phobic
• We live miles apart a or there are other logistical issues making the relationship more complex that usual
• I want to be monogomous but my partner doesn't and I am hanging around waiting for them to change their mind. (And vice versa).
• I am married/in a relationship but my significant other "doesn't understand me"
• I have a "friends with benefits" arrangement.
• Do not rule out simple attention seeking behaviour on this one.

Of course these are not extensive definitions is is not an extensive list and some relationships really are too complicated to explain with a status update on facebook but frankly if the relationship is so complicated you can't even decide if you are in one or not then you're single.

Wasn't life so much simpler when you either ticked married or single in a box?

...A Web Designer/Freelance Writer

Just a qucik insight into a day in the life of a self employed web designer and freelance writer.

On a "normal day" I will:

Start the day with an hour and a half checking emails and trawling freelance websites for upcoming new projects.  Answer all email, apply for jobs and look at the day's tasks.  I revist my email regularly throughout the day too so I can respond to clients quickly.

At some point I will spend  time blogging and updating social networking sites (including Facebook where a lot of my clients contact me), checking Twitter, LinkedIn and posting on there to maintain my web presence and getting myself "out there" as far as my business is concerned.  I pop in and out of these periodically throughout the day too, whilst I am waiting for images to upload or for some programme or other to do its thing.  There can be a lot of waiting around in web design!!

The main body of my work is spent blogging, writing articles for clients, designing and/or maintaining websites, editing images,proof reading and whatever other work I actually have currently in the pipeline.  Web design can be incredibly time consuming.  "Just" popping up 20 images may be what the client thinks the job is.  In reality editing in photoshop, uploading galleries, tagging images and generally making things look right at the end of it all generally takes hours.  This is one of the reasons I offer the clients package deals and monthly retainer options because all these "little jobs" often add up to a lot of hours.

I tend to work in blocks of 2 hours which is the time it takes for the battery on my laptop to run down!  The beep tells me it's time for a break and charge my machine and I will stop for half an hour to give myself time away from staring at the screen.  It's not all sitting around though!  During these times I can do other stuff I need to do like the laundry, housework, printing up bits and pieces I need for clients and having the obligatory cup of tea.

I usually pop in to town for an hour or so, to shop, catch up with people and also to network.  It's amazing how much work you can pic up sitting outside a cafe with a cup of tea in Glastonbury! 

Then it's back to more of the same until usually about 6pm when I stop to eat and then I use the next couple of hours to sort accounts and plan the next days work, answer emails and so on.

On other days I may take 3 hours out to cover some shop work, or to go and meet a client for a couple of hours. Or I may continue into the wee small hours to get a job done to a deadline.  Each day is different and it is sometimes difficult to get motivated.  But it is incredibly satisfying to have a client come to you with an idea and gradually see that take shape into a fully functioning website.

This is just a reminder from a campervan enthusiast who is now an ex-VW campervan owner.

The Main Suspect

Genevieve is no more. Or is likely to be no-more according to the Insurance Company who are currently assessing the damage that was caused by a fault on the battery which as most enthusiasts know (in the T25 at least) is housed underneath the drivers seat.  The picture on the right is what is left of my battery, after something caused a short and it set light to the back of my drivers seat.  Since I was driving at the time, this was not a particularly pleasant experience!

Remains of the Driver's seat.

In the time it took from smelling and seeing smoke, pulling over and getting out through the back so I could grab the dog - which was under a minute - the whole of the back of the seat was ablaze.  No fire retardant foam in these old vans.  The Fire Brigade arrived in about 10 minutes and the whole van was billowing black smoke.  The image on the left shows what is left of the back of my seat, which was actually very little!

A full set of the images of what is left of the front of the van following this fire can be seen by clicking here.

Genevieve in better days

The view from the insurance company based on my description of the damage and everyone who has seen it including the guy who came to tow her to the assessors is that she is a complete write-off.  I am now waiting to hear back from the insurance.  Despite being quite upset and pissed off by the whole thing, and having had a pretty awful experience, I cannot help but think that considering the speed with which this fire took hold I am lucky to be alive. Or at the very least to have escaped a lengthy and painful stay in the burns unit.

It is the end of a dream for me that I had of owning a VW camper every since seeing the red VW microbus in Arlo Guthrie's film "Alice's Restaurant".  I don't know if I will ever own another, they are expensive to  buy and even more expensive to run, but at least I did live my dream for a while!

So for all you van owners - check the electrics and make sure the battery housing is sealed tight.  It seems likely according to the brigade that something had got into the housing to make the battery short, emit a spark and the rest, as they say, is history.  And so is my van.

Well, following 10 days off in a muddy field know as Glastonbury Festival, I have taken a good hard look at the areas in which I need to improve my repetoire of skills.

Over the next 12 months I plan to offer a new and extensive range of services. These will (hopefully) include extending the number of content management systems (like Wordpress) that are available for my clients, building more extensive knowledge of e-commerce sites and also mobile site development and database production and management.

As well as this I intend to undertake a course which will enable me to design, manage and install networks which should take around 8 months to complete.

I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but I need to move forward with my business to ensure I am not left behind in what is a competitive industry.

Please keep your eye on my blog over the coming months, and look for updates to my website, to follow my progress.

I have a few people in my life who will look at me and ask because they see by my demeanour that I am obviously not.   These people are the true friends, the ones who don't pressurise you into talking about it if you don't want to, or get you to expose more of yourself than you are willing and will listen without judgement and also without looking bored or dragging the conversation back to themselves.  These people are rare gems indeed.

Mostly, and we all do it, we ask people  "are you OK?" and they say "Yes" or "I'm fine" and we are happy.  Off we go in our own little world where we have proved to ourselves and the other person just how caring we are because we took time out to enquire as to the wellbeing of our fellow human.

If you say NO this causes immediate confusion.  You broke the social rule.  You are not supposed to be honest because that's not playing the little game.  Now you have put that person in a awkward position where they basically have to demonstrate to you that they give enough of a toss to listen to what you have to say.  Or even worse, if you tell them you are not OK but don't want to discuss it with them.  What to do?  Prise it out of you or just be more honest, breathe a sigh of relief and skip off. 

Maybe I am just feeling cynical today, or maybe its time I learnt from the repeated experience of the fact that no matter how much time you have for other people, they will rarely return the favour!

Search Engine Optimization is an essential aspect of web design without which your site can become lost in searches. The old phrase “needle in a haystack” is one that can easily be applied to individual sites in the huge “haystack” of sites online.

SEO can target the search engines so that your website has a web presence. That is people can find it by typing in key words related to your service or product.

It can be a long and complex process but essentially it looks at which search terms as used by potential customers and making sure that when these are used your website is high enough up the listing to catch their attention.

Please check my website for more information.

I became single after being either married or in a long term relationship for 21 years.  So at some point I decided to dip my toe back in the water and experience the joys on online dating.  To be fair to myself I was under no illusions as to the likelihood of my finding "the one" online but, hey, a few dates can never go amiss right?

Wrong.  There are indeed many great men in the world.  Not many of them seem in inhabit the dating sites.  I have met 3 possibly 4 couples who met on line, met in real life, connected and stayed together for longer than a couple of years.  Some are still together now so it is possible - just don't get your hopes up too much!!


Here, in a nutshell are my top 3 worst dates: (Names have been changed to protect the hideous):

#3  Andy - Andy liked his  dog...no he LOVED his dog, he LOVED all dogs soooo much!  Lovely but when dogs were concerned no sense of humour.  He was in essence looking for someone to look after both himself and said dog whilst he was in hospital having a back op.  I guess a nurse seemed the perfect girlfriend.  He did not, of course, put this in his bio on the site. 

The date started pleasantly enough although no chemistry on either side, but that's the way it goes.  It ended when he told me about the lady in his road who drove with 6 Jack Russells bouncing about loose in the back.  An amusing image.  I grinned.  He launched - it apparently was not funny because she could brake suddenly  and one could fly through the window.  My brain = cartoon image of dog shape in windscreen.  Me = PMSL Andy = disgusted and very, very angry!

Goodbye Andy
Site to Avoid  = Dating Direct.

#2 Chris - Chris was a PCSO with a nurse fetish.  No he did not put that on his bio but he was chatting to several other women all of whom I worked with, one in the same department (which was great fun as we could compare notes!). 

Anyway, out of interest more than anything else, and yeah he looked OK in his pic with his uniform on, I agreed to meet.  We went to a local pub for drinks.  Mistake. He spent the first 20 minutes telling me how he hadn't had a woman for ages (I could see why) and I ended up pinned in a booth with some idiot trying to snog me and stroke my hair.  When I told him to get off he asked me if I hated sex!! Not a good start.  So the only way forward was wine. The date ended when I squeezed past him to get out of the booth and he slapped my bum, I went straight to the loo, texted a mate who rang me "as the babysitter" and I fled.  The guy was still plaguing me days later saying he had "felt so much chemistry". 

Goodbye Chris
Site to Avoid = Girls Date for Free (I know, the clue was in the name!)

And my #1 - Steven. God this was dire. 

I met him in a cafe where I got his life story.  A case in point of why not to share too much early on.  Married 4 times, ex-Para who got thrown out for kicking the crap out of an officer when he came back from the Gulf, ended up in the loony bin and was "possibly" schizophrenic but they hadn't decided yet.  Then he announced exactly what he would like to do with me sexually in detail so graphic it would have made Hugh Heffner blush.  He suggested a walk on the local common, I agreed because I didn't want to appear rude (God how times, and I, have changed!) and he started trying to snog me.


After 10 minutes he disappared to the toilet, only to come back and tell me that he had only gone because he was so excited he had "leaked a bit".  I fled.  He texted for weeks afterwards until I basically told him to F-off (my polite gene was obviously away that day).

Goodbye Steven.
Site to Avoid = yep, Girls Date for Free, a bit of a theme developing.

Before everyone goes off and deletes their online dating profile I did meet some pretty nice guys, they just weren't for me.  I probably I wasn't for them either!  However the numpties outweighed the nice guys by probably a 10:1 ratio. 

I have not included in this list 2 people who I did go on to have long-term dealings, though not necessarily relationships, with.  One was particularly grim and would make an amusing blog but it's too close to kiss-and-tell to be fair, the other is a man who started off as a friend with "benefits" and ended up being probably one of the best male friends I have had.  He is not included either!!

I finally met my partner the old-fashioned way, at a picnic via friends.  

Only 7 more sleeps and I will be wending my way onsite at Glastonbury Festival for my stint in the backstage passes office on the Theatre and Circus field.  The angst is already starting to permeate...I am talking 5 people on site this year with all their stuff plus rucksacks and tents belonging to 4 other people.  I think Genevieve is going to be a rather snug fit on the way on.

Lots of questions about stuff to bring which can only be answered by reproducing a list that was facebooked by an extremely efficient and experienced camping friend of mine:

Camping Kit
Tent – practice putting it up before leaving if you’ve not done it before
Roll mats
Torch (preferably wind-up, preferably small as you might need to carry it all evening before you actually need to use it to get back in your tent!)
Sleeping bag
Water bottle
Blanket
Hat & gloves for cold nights
Hot water bottle (!) (only if there is a source of hot water on site)
Some empty carrier bags / bin bags
Personal Kit
Waterproof jacket
At least 2 pairs of footwear – walking boots, wellies, sandals/crocks (I will defend my crocks: waking at 3am desperate for a piss still drunk in the dark is no time to be prattling about trying to put wellies on)
Medication (+ a written note of it’s name and dose in case it gets lost and you need replacements)
Shower gel
Scissors
Shampoo – Lush do lovely solid shampoo – no chance of leaking
Soap
Hand sanitizer
Sunscreen
Baby wipes
Day bag
Clothes – include layers

So there's a start anyway


In the meantime I have been nagging people to get tents and rucksacks to me by Saturday noon at the latest so I can play VW Tetris and get it all loaded.  The plan being to chill out Saturday night with Richard and the kids, cook a full English breakfast for everyone and then head off to be there by 2, help put up people's tents and head off to my first shift at 4pm.  That's the plan. 

The weather is appalling but on the plus side I do have a heater on board so I wont be suffering from the cold, Richard has invested in some thermal window pads which will keep us cool if its hot and snug if its cold.  I also have a chemical loo in case my dreaded IBS decides to kick in like it has most years.  And in the light of recent leak problems I also managed to purchase a waterproof tarp to sling over the skylight in the roof in case of emergency!

I am both looking forward to it and dreading it in equal measure.  It is the same every year but I always love it when I am there.  Bring it on!